Don’t settle for an open mind when we can have Truth

And the difference between us was very deep, because it was a difference as to the object of the whole thing called broad-mindedness or the opening of the intellect. For my friend said that he opened his intellect as the sun opens the fans of a palm tree, opening for opening’s sake, opening infinitely for ever. But I said that I opened my intellect as I opened my mouth, in order to shut it again on something solid. I was doing it at the moment. And as I truly pointed out, it would look uncommonly silly if I went on opening my mouth infinitely, for ever and ever.

–G.K. Chesterton, “The Extraordinary Cabman

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Among the “great cloud of witnesses” are Chinese saints

Any serious Christian would be familiar with the following Scriptural exhortation:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith. For the sake of the joy that lay before him he endured the cross, despising its shame, and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God.

–Apostle Paul (Hebrews 12:1-2)

And when we imagine this “cloud of witnesses”, we probably imagine something like:

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There’s nothing bad about the above image. In fact, it’s inspiring, and it also challenges the popular notion that the Church only honors and canonizes men… But missing for many years from my religious imagination were saints who share my ethnic identity, and images like the one above aren’t very helpful.

I am ethnically Chinese, and I am a Christian (agnostic-turned-Protestant-turned-Catholic, to be specific). For someone who once struggled to integrate these seemingly disparate identities, today was a special, symbolic day. Today marks the first day of the Chinese New Year, the year of the goat, and it also happens to be the feast day of a Chinese Catholic saint. St. Lucy Yi Zhenmei is a Chinese Roman Catholic saint from Sichuan, China. The schoolteacher was sentenced to death in the 1862 for her refusal to renounce her faith. She, along with 119 other Chinese Christians — all martyred for their ministry and faith — was canonized by Pope John Paul II in 2000. “Today’s celebration is not the appropriate time to pass judgement on those historical periods:  this can and should be done elsewhere. Today, with this solemn proclamation of holiness, the Church intends merely to recognize that those martyrs are an example of courage and consistency to us all, and that they honour the noble Chinese people,” he said during his homily at the canonization.

It’s at once exhilarating, humbling, and encouraging  to to know that there are many faithful, heroic Chinese brothers and sisters among the “great cloud of witnesses”. My favorite part of Chinese New Year has always been gathering and feasting with extended family — and as I journey deeper and deeper into the richness of the Catholic faith, I rejoice that my family gets larger and larger with the communion of the saints!

chinesemartyrschernyak Today, Christians in China continue to face non-violent forms of oppression and repression. But it looks like there’s no stopping the spread of the Good News! As of 2010, there were reportedly 68 million Christians in China. And experts say China is on track to become the largest Christian population in the world by 2030… My heart swells with joy as I contemplate seeing multitudes of Chinese faces in heaven! 😉 ?????? chinese catholics 新年快乐!平安与你同在! 🙂 To catch a glimpse of my other travails in grasping the universality of the Church, read (and see) how art has helped me.

The highest form of liberty: to choose love over liberty

The revolt against vows has been carried in our day even to the extent of a revolt against the typical vow of marriage. It is most amusing to listen to the opponents of marriage on this subject. They appear to imagine that the ideal of constancy was a yoke mysteriously imposed on mankind by the devil, instead of being, as it is, a yoke consistently imposed by all lovers on themselves. They have invented a phrase, a phrase that is a black and white contradiction in two words — ‘free-love’ — as if a lover ever had been, or ever could be, free. It is the nature of love to bind itself, and the institution of marriage merely paid the average man the compliment of taking him at his word. Modern sages offer to the lover, with an ill-favoured grin, the largest liberties and the fullest irresponsibility; but they do not respect him as the old Church respected him; they do not write his oath upon the heavens, as the record of his highest moment.

–G.K. Chesterton, “A Defence of Rash Vows

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21 Egyptian Christians Beheaded: the persecuted and the persecutors

Below is a screen grab from a video footage released by ISIL yesterday. Surely by no coincidence, they picked to announce (and showcase) the brutal beheading of 21 Egyptian Christians on a Sunday, the Lord’s Day. Superimposed on the image is a verse from Revelations 20, a powerful symbolic redemption of an image meant to terrorize and paralyze. I have faith that all the angels and saints have welcomed these 21 souls, as well as all the other faithful martyrs, into the full presence of God’s love in heaven. Hope does not put us to shame.

isilIn the video, one of the murderers declare, “We will conquer Rome, by Allah’s permission.” Little do they know that the ultimate victory has long been secured, and it will belong to Christ. Hope does not put us to shame.

This has been a very stern reminder that Christian persecution, though far less felt in our part of the world, is very real. Let us pray that God would grant us the grace to have faiths as strong as those of these martyrs, and the courage to profess, defend, and live out our faiths wherever we go. And let us also pray for the intercession of these faithful brothers in Christ who are now part of the “great cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1) that surrounds us.

And last but not least, join me in praying for the people responsible for all this savagery, that they may repent and be awakened to God’s goodness and truths. They, too, were created and are loved by Christ who cries, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”


ISIL Jesus Beach(Anybody knows who did this painting?)

When you know your “good days” are numbered

The first time I tasted a depressive episode in 2011, I didn’t think it was anything more a one-time glitch in an otherwise emotionally healthy life. And then in the winter of 2012, it returned, and this time worse in manifold ways. Eight months later, I emerged stronger than before, declaring to myself and the world that I wouldn’t fear a relapse. But the truth was, I didn’t really believe it would come back. It was a vague possibility in my head, but nothing more.

No prizes for guessing this one, but it did return the following spring. Again, and this is highly likely due to inadequate treatment and self-care, this one was also worse than its predecessor. I hadn’t even had a chance to attempt to conceptualize what that might even look like. Before I knew it, I was reduced to a human ball of invisible, destructive thoughts — sometimes sobbing, sometimes suicidal, other times both.

I am now well, and am beginning to grasp what it means that this is going to be a recurring theme in my life. As I pour my refreshed energy and extended wake time into the passions God has placed on my heart, I am also aware that I cannot lay claim to my present capacities indefinitely.

What do I do with this awareness? I don’t know what the “best practices” are (feel free to share any advice with me), but I’ll probably have many tries to figure this out anyway. But typically, my approach these days have been to “seize every moment”. I try not to sleep beyond what’s necessary for my health, I try not to say no to an invitation to a meal/coffee/conversation/adventure, I try not to reject the appeal of someone in need. I also assess the gifts and talents God has bestowed on me (for example, my voice, my writing, and then those drawing skills that seemingly came out of nowhere) and consider how I can use them to bless others. I reflect on the special passions He has planted in me, such as my love for children, the youth, and the developmentally disabled, and consider how they ought to inform my vocational decisions.

On a more proactive, self-protection side, I’ve been making good on this hypothesis: that if I took advantage of the times when I’m not depressed to learn more about depression (from reading books and articles, and talking to experts including my own healthcare providers), I will eventually become better at handling depressive episodes when they do return. These on top of responsibly staying on medication and being disciplined about self-care, of course.

Now, and you’re probably already thinking this: though I write this from the perspective of someone diagnosed with “recurrent major depressive disorder”, these musings are relevant to any living human.  Our good days are numbered, our days in general are numbered. We don’t know what tragedy might befall us, and when it might. We don’t know what we might lose tomorrow. And then there are also the things we can reasonably expect: the changes that will come with old age, and of course, the fact that we will all die.

Maybe these aren’t things we often think about, and I might even be coming off as if I were still in the thick of depression. It’s also often said that to think about the end of life prevents us from living our lives, but I patently disagree. I believe there are few things more important to how we live our lives than contemplating the temporality, and fragility, of life on this side of eternity. Accepting the vanity of our present pursuits is the beginning of discovering our true purpose, and the true meaning of our lives.

It’s getting easier, these days, to acknowledge our mortality on a mere theoretical level, without really allowing it to sink in in our daily deeds and interactions. Perhaps because modern society has gotten so good at marginalizing death and suffering. Those things are hidden away in hospitals and hospices. Even the things that aren’t hidden from plain sight — like the plight of the homeless, and our brothers and sisters languishing daily under systemic injustice and oppression — we’ve somehow been trained to phase them out of our interior lives. Because it’s more convenient (not to mention more lucrative for corporations) that we are kept distracted by illusions of invincibility and the pursuits of temporary pleasures.

But fight that. I invite you think reflect on these realities more often than you might be used to. I speak not from a preacher’s podium, but from someone who’s been brought so low she had no choice but contemplate these unpleasant reality checks. This is not to rain on anybody’s parade, because the contemplation of “unpleasant” truths is necessary bitter medicine to a pride that needs humbling, a temper that needs taming, a coldness that needs thawing, an indifference that needs shattering, and a soul that needs healing.

I have come to trust in the Great Physician who administers this medicine, and I trust Him with my entire life and being.

Swallow the bitterness in faith, and then we can begin to taste the goodness of life in its fullness. I’m still catching new glimpses of it each day. A life where I am not the center, where I can delight in giving more than I do receiving, where I can truly delight in the joys of others without envy (for the most part), where I rejoice simply in knowing that I am a beloved child of God, where I look forward to an eternity in my final destination.

If I can help somebody as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody with a word or song,
If I can show somebody he is travelling wrong,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

If I can do my duty as a Christian really ought,
If I can bring back beauty to a world up wrought,
If I can spread love’s message as the Master taught,
Then my living shall not be in vain.

(From “If I Can Help Somebody”, arranged by Ray Liebau.)

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Congratulations on making it to the end of the “heaviest” post I have written in a while. Leave a comment with your thoughts — I would love to hear from any perspective! 🙂

Madonna and Child as Vietnamese

In continuing with my streak of alternative cultural depictions of Mary and Jesus, here is “Madonna and Child as Vietnamese”! This one was inspired by my recent trip to Vietnam, where I celebrated Christmas with my family and many faithful locals.

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“Madonna and Child as Vietnamese” by Karen Zainal

I could have gone for a more regal look, a la the famed images of Our Lady of La Vang:

ourLadyOfLavang

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But I thought I’d portray a different side, focusing more on her intimate, maternal love for Jesus. At the same time, to retain that sense reverence, I deliberately left lines unfinished to convey a sense of timelessness and eternity. Let me know what you think! 🙂

Epiphany: all you need is my “amen”

I created this piece while contemplating the meaning of Epiphany, a Christian feast day that celebrates the manifestation of Jesus as the long-awaited Messiah of Israel, the only Son of God, and Savior of the world. The feast commemorates primarily the visit of the Magi to baby Jesus, marking His first physical manifestation to the gentiles, of which I am one.

It is recorded that the Magi brought with them gold, frankincense, and myrrh, and laid their gifts before the Child in the manger. These were expensive gifts brought by kings from faraway, and I thought about how, some thirty years later, Jesus would also accept the humble offering of five loaves and two fishes, and miraculously used it to feed thousands of hungry people.

“All He Needs Is My Amen” by Karen Zainal

I don’t have much to present before my King. But He works miracles, and all He needs is my “amen.” As the Blessed Virgin Mary once said in humble and faithful obedience:

Let it be done to me according to your word. (Luke 1:38)